Talking to my inspirational friend Cailin about the injury that changed her life.
"When I first injured my knee, it was almost two years ago. And I was in the middle of doing this 75-Day Hard cleanse thing where you work out for 90 minutes daily. I was 30 days into it, and then I hurt my knee. I couldn't even move anymore.
How I handled it was I thought, what can I do in the meantime? I could still do upper-body stuff. And then, when I got to the part where I could start to walk again, I would go for these massive walks with my knee brace on. So I could do that.
I can walk. I can't run yet, but I can walk.
If you think about what you can do... I thought, Oh, I can hang out with my friends. I can enjoy time doing nothing. I got all my exams deferred!
Anyways, don't tear your ACL skiing at 9:05 AM at Lake Louise. I have the record for the earliest injury on the ski hill. It opened at nine, and then I got injured at 9:05."
That was my friend Cailin. A couple of years ago, she tore her ACL, and since then, she has had no mobility in her knee.
After a long time of being waitlisted, Cailin was finally able to undergo surgery that increased her chance of her knee returning to its normal function again. However, in the meantime, her recovery forces her to be couch-ridden.
A couple of weeks ago, I visited Cailin at her house and was struck by how upbeat she comes across despite the setbacks she has faced. I wanted to figure out what strategies Cailin uses to remain optimistic.
So, of course, I decided to interview her.
SH: What was your life like before you hurt your knee?
CM: Before I hurt my knee, I played soccer about 14 times a week.
So like, twice a day, every day.
Yeah. But luckily, when I hurt my knee, it was during covid, so it didn't affect me as much then because I wasn't doing much to begin with. However, I would still play soccer if I didn't hurt my knee. So there you go.
And you were going to coach soccer.
Oh, for sure, yeah. Kids or something. That would have been fun.
Did you ever get to do that?
I wasn't able to.
Do you think when your knee gets better, you'll be able to coach?
I think I would be coaching, but when it comes to playing, it really depends on how the rehab goes. If the rehab goes great, it makes sense, but if it goes bad, I would be too scared to do it again.
So soccer was a big part of your life - and it still is. How do you feel not knowing if you can play soccer again?
I mean... I hope for the best. I just think I probably will end up playing. But we'll see.
You've always struck me as someone who is optimistic and focuses on the positives in their life. Does that benefit you?
I mean, I hope so. There have been many days where it's been depressing, especially over the last two weeks sitting alone. It's very sad. But in the end, I'll have a knee that's better than it was before.
So you think about how it's worth it?
Yeah. I have to think like that. Or else I'll get sad.
And have you been sad?
Oh yeah. 100%. If you don't have the lows, you don't have the highs.
Is that how you view life?
That's how I view my life. But honestly, I haven't had many lows in general.
Do you think this has been one of the biggest challenges you've had in your life?
Oh yeah. This has been one of the more challenging things in life. But if I wanna cry, I call Kyle.
For my people on the blog, who's Kyle?
My best friend. We were in the same sociology class and started seeing each other all the time. Now he's my nurse. He comes over and takes care of me.
So what have you been doing the last few weeks besides being nursed by Kyle and watching the World Cup?
Trying to sleep comfortably because you can only lay on your back. It's the most uncomfortable thing in the world because I've always been a stomach or a side sleeper. It's bad.
I've stopped taking the drugs, which has helped a bit. But my sleep schedule is warped because I don't do anything during the day.
So your body has all this extra energy stored up.
Yeah. I was just up till four the other night. Wide awake. I couldn't sleep. But then I slept till 12.
And then you also don't eat very much because you're not doing anything. You're not moving.
Luckily I've had many of my friends and grandparents come over. My sister Lauren got a concussion, so now she's here.
What's your advice for my blog readers for handling a setback? Or adversity that challenges your life goals?
Focus more on what you can do rather than what you can't.
How often are you able to do that?
It's a 50-50. I try to think more of the positive. That doesn't mean it's easy. It's much easier to think of the negative, like all the time. It's hard.
Most of the time, though, I try to think about what I can do, even though I'd rather be doing what I can't do.
That's good advice.
I don't know what else I'd tell people other than it kinda sucks.
I can't drive, either, because it's my right leg.
But we'll see, we'll see.
So you've had to become more dependent on people.
Oh, completely. I can't even get up to get myself a glass of water. It's awful. It's very inconvenient.
How does it feel to be dependent on people?
I hate it. I hate it so much. The other day, Kyle's like, I'm gonna bring you food! And I'm like, well, I'm gonna pay for it because I feel really bad.
Or even like all these people coming over, I feel bad for inconveniencing them. So I'll pay for gas for them to come over.
Actually?
Yeah. Like Ky-Guy (Kyle), he lives really far away. And he comes here all the time. And I'm like, dude. I owe you something. He comes, and he'll stay for 12 hours.
But it's a weird feeling. I don't know how I feel about it.
Is it hard for you to accept help or kindness from other people?
I would rather just be doing it for them. I feel bad.
What about it makes you uncomfortable?
Honestly, I don't know. I don't feel like I'm deserving.
Really?
I feel like I'm inconveniencing people.
I was crying in my mom's bed one day. I had been in the shower, and I had a little... well... it was the first day I came upstairs and crutched into my mom's room and was standing upright for a long time. And I felt super nauseous, and then I slipped on my bad knee and pulled my hamstring.
I start bawling my eyes out, thinking I'm going to throw up. I'm just crying on my mom's bed in my towel, and then Kyle pulls up, and I'm just like, "hey!"
Good timing there.
I always appreciate it when people do things for me, but I always feel bad. I just have never been dependent on people.
It's always weird to change that dynamic.
I agree.
Do you feel like you're deserving of it, though?
I hope so. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I hope.
You are! You are deserving. Some people do like taking care of people, anyways. It brings them joy, too, to be around you. Is it the feeling of being... helpless? Stuck?
Yeah. And it's so boring. I can't even do anything. I have to wait for Lauren to come upstairs if I need anything.
You don't have a little call bell when you need her attention?
I should get one! That's a good idea!
In conclusion, you've maintained a good perspective by focusing on the stuff you can do, your maintenance of good friendships, and then thinking about your future in hopeful terms.
You have to.
That makes sense. Any final words?
If you ever hurt your ACL, go to the people in Banff because it's faster.
Thank you, Cailin, for agreeing to be interviewed and for being an inspiration to the people around you. We hope your recovery goes well.
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