This year, I watched a lot of bad movies. But I also watched a lot of good ones. A healthy mix, some could say.
The following movies will be ranked from the absolute worst to the absolute greatest.
#19: The Invitation
I wanted to suck my own blood so I could faint from blood loss and leave this film. Another movie about vampires that once again does nothing original.
#18: Marry Me
I don't know why I bothered watching this since everything about this film screams the opposite of what I typically enjoy, but I watched it anyways, and I ended up hating it. That isn't to say it's bad. It just scraped into my soul like a cheesegrater.
#17: Licorice Pizza
A boring and strange film about an age-gap couple that seems predatory. Also they were selling mattresses at some point? Maybe if I was a bigger film nerd I would understand the point of this stupidity.
#16: Jackass Forever
Did I need this? No. Do I understand the appeal? Maybe. Did I need to see people chugging milk till they puke and pinching their own genitals? No. Do you? Well, I can't speak for you.
#15: Tár
I apologize on behalf of everyone who says this movie is the greatest thing. It is 2.5 hours of pure boredom about a pretentious woman's experience with cancel culture. It could have been so much better if it wasn't so painfully slow. Like, I see why people like it, but I didn't care.
#14: Bodies Bodies Bodies
All of the characters were annoying, but apparently, that was the point. One of those satirical movies about Gen-Z where one of the characters says, "He's a libra moon and that says a lot!" Pete Davidson played himself in more ways than one.
#13: Men
A movie about men by a man who woke up one day and was like, "I finally understand. Men can be creepy." And then decided to take it to a whole new level but not in a well-done way. Also, in a movie that's supposed to understand women's perspectives, he makes the woman protagonist very flat and one-dimensional. Cute. That ending scene is really awesome, though (you'll understand exactly what I mean if you watch it).
#12: Crimes of the Future
I wanted to like this, and part of me did because I'm attracted to very weird things. Performance art where they perform surgery on one another? Cool. Some dude covered in ears? Sick. But... a dystopian society where people have sex through surgical wounds...???? Cool, but why?
#11: X
A movie that explores the concept of ageism that assumes old people aren't horny. Kind of clever because judging that or saying "ew, gross" reveals your own ageism. So my main critique is less about that and more so that it's just not a well-made film. Whoops.
#10: Thor: Love and Thunder
My boyfriend's favourite film of the year (just kidding, he will kill me if I continue saying this, but he defends it way too hard). Typical Marvel, very cliché and overused tropes. Can't believe a quote actually goes, "We're going to save the world with love and thunder!" The only reason I slightly liked this is that I like Taika Waititi as a concept, and therefore I am biased to rate this as better than it actually is.
#9: Sing 2
There's something about the Sing movies that are extremely pleasing to my inner child. Just a bunch of animals performing and singing to random pop songs? Count me in.
#8: Smile
Better than I expected, but my expectations were on the ground. Still, I can't say I've ever watched a slasher movie where the evildoer is literally just "trauma". Mental illness can be scary, and this movie plays off the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding it. I appreciate it.
#7: The Bad Guys
The animated kid's version of Ocean's Eight. Everyone I know makes fun of me because I said the wolf was attractive. It's just a statement.
#6: Nope
I didn't care for most of this movie because aliens have never interested me. But the chimp scene replays in my mind every single day and is honestly one of the most memorable pieces of cinema I have ever encountered in my life. Simply because of that scene, this movie is especially important to me. Also, Keke Palmer's entire spirit is uplifting to witness.
#5: Top Gun: Maverick
I rate this high because I expected to hate it, but then I liked it. Somehow it uses every Hollywood movie trope in existence but does so in a way where you can't help but love it. I understood the hype. It's kind of hard to dislike.
#4: Barbarian
A really well-made horror movie split into three parts that interconnect in very cool and frightening ways. This movie really rolls along with the idea that there's nothing scarier than a basement. I thought this movie was weird, but not in an unapproachable way. Definitely the best horror movie I've seen this year (against Smile, Men, Nope, X, and Bodies Bodies Bodies).
#3: Everything Everywhere All at Once
Embraces some sort of philosophical blend between absurdism and positive nihilism to reinforce the magic and intrigue that is life. So many emotional moments. I did in fact cry during this film. I think it was the only one I cried at this year, so hats off to that.
#2: The Menu
Precise, exciting, unpredictable... A FOOD THRILLER. Thoroughly entertaining from beginning to end. Plus I love movies that are in parts.
#1: Triangle of Sadness
Speaking of movies that are in parts... Triangle of Sadness represents everything I have been looking for in a film. Poignant, hilarious, thought-provoking, a bunch of wealthy people throwing up on a cruise ship (what even was that scene). But also models, shipwrecks, and a couple arguing over who pays for dinner. Epic! An absolutely uproarious (I have never used that word before) exploration of the dynamics of social class. SOOOOO FASCINATING!!!!
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