Because that unfinished project will continue to haunt you.
Ever heard of these common complaints?
I want to get into [insert hobby], but I have no time.
It's so much easier just to doom-scroll and brainrot than to [insert hobby].
I'm no good at [insert hobby]. It frustrates me and makes me want to avoid it.
I wish I could find a hobby I actually enjoy.
Well, it's more common than you'd think. In a world that demands so much time and energy, we must be very particular about where we place these minimal resources.
The problem is, so many of us treat our hobbies the way we treat our lives, and work:
with super high expectations (e.g., "I must read this many books this year", "I need my sweater to turn out exactly the way I want it to", or "I want to engage in running every single day!")
as a progressive ladder where we must always be gradually improving (e.g. "Now that I mastered this skill, let me learn another one!")
as things we should do, rather than what we want to do (e.g. "I should really read more books", or "I should really do more art.")
with an intense focus on the outcome rather than the process (which goes back to us having super high expectations!)
We want to engage in our hobbies - we really do. However, all of these pressures we place on ourselves almost make our hobbies seem intimidating and taxing. It's no longer something we do simply for fun or to relax us - it's not "casual" anymore. It's like we're trying to turn our hobbies into our professions.
I started thinking deeply about hobbies (and the way we intensify them) when I read an article from Refinery29 titled "The Secret to Enjoying a Hobby? Half-Ass It" (you can read the article here). In the article, writer Alicia Lansom explains that we often "force" ourselves to engage in our hobbies and tell ourselves we must "... commit fully to something, reach goals and engage with it 'properly'." This creates a cycle of guilt where we feel bad when we don't meet these expectations.
Lansom also explains, "As January brings with it unending conversations about what we want to 'achieve' this year, giving ourselves permission to engage with activities we like on a 'when we feel like it' basis seems like one way to actually keep going with them." Lansom also hints at the perfectionism within most of us: "The inherent shame of being average at something is stopping us from engaging with anything."
Another experience in which I reflected on hobbies was in a conversation with my therapist. In it, we discussed the high expectations I place on myself, even in the realm of activities that should be relaxing (like reading, making perler beads, or journalling).
"I feel like I can't even relax when I'm doing them," I said. "I'm like, I need to read many books this month to meet my goal of reading 150 books this year. And then when I'm making perler beads, I'm trying to crank them out as fast as possible because I want to increase how many I'm able to produce. And then with journalling... don't even get me started!"
My therapist was like, "When do you actually let yourself rest?" (A good question, and when I reflected on it, I was basically like, maybe when I'm asleep?) Because even though it may seem like I'm resting when I'm engaging in my hobbies, the high expectations and focus on production make it seem like I'm actually at a high-stakes job and I'm my own aggressive boss, demanding me to work harder! Go faster!
That's not what the purpose of hobbies should be. We spend most of our lives (in this system which we call capitalism) in a constant state of measuring ourselves based on our ability to produce, engage, create, serve, DO. We feel lazy when we don't feel like we're "contributing to society" enough. Therefore, even with our hobbies, we try to micromanage ourselves and "do enough" to make it seem like they're worthwhile. Although this may make us more "productive", it can start to take away from our actual enjoyment of the hobby.
So how do we actually enjoy our hobbies? Here are some of my favourite tips.
Try New Hobbies
As a result of the high expectations we hold for ourselves, we avoid trying hobbies we might suck at. What would it be like to try hobbies regardless of the outcome? Whether it's roller skating, sewing, furniture creation, or dancing - our brain loves novelty but often avoids it out of fear.
Don't Be Afraid to Quit
When we try to force ourselves to love something that doesn't work for us, it's like forcing yourself to work a job that you despise even though there are other available options for you. There are so many hobbies in the world and part of the fun is casually trying different ones and seeing what sticks. The key is to be open and also aware of what you enjoy (and don't enjoy).
Just don't make the mistake of buying stuff for your hobby, giving up on it a week later, and then feeling guilty about it. Even if you do end up investing money into your hobby, remember that this might just not be the time for this hobby right now, and you can always try again in the future (there have been times when I randomly got into something years later).
Experiment!
Try new things within the realm of your hobby. For example, let's say you're trying to get into reading, and it's just not working. Either you might just not be a reader (which is totally fine), but if you're really wanting to get into it, maybe read some graphic novels, listen to audiobooks, find some fluffy light romantic books, read some books from your childhood, or read some big coffee-table books with loads of pictures.
Have Different "Types" of Hobbies
I believe that everybody needs one of each of the following hobbies:
A passive hobby - something that requires little to no brain power and can be done when you're super tired. Such as watching movies, listening to podcasts/audiobooks, watching TV shows, watching anime. These hobbies are great for when you don't have the energy to do something more hands-on.
A semi-passive hobby - slightly more engaged but still involving experiencing media that someone else made. Such as playing videogames, doing crosswords, reading books that require more focus, or putting together jigsaw puzzles.
A creative hobby - involves the act of actually "making" something with your own hands. This includes any form of arts/crafts (painting, crocheting, sewing, scrapbooking, painting miniatures) and writing (blogging, journalling, songwriting) but can also include baking, gardening, stop-motion, and more.
An active hobby - something that involves movement! Dancing, hockey, running, skiing, basketball, yoga, hiking, skateboarding, kickboxing, parkour, fencing, tennis, or golf are just some examples but the possibilities are endless.
By having hobbies from each of these categories, you can ensure that a) no matter your energy levels, you can engage in something you enjoy, and b) all your needs are met (because, as humans, creating things with our own hands is very good for us, as is getting active!).
Measure Your Hobbies by Enjoyment
Instead of measuring your hobbies simply by skill improvement, product, or amount of time spent, measure your hobbies by how much you enjoyed them and how you felt afterwards. You could even start a "hobby journal" where you keep track of different things you try and how you feel before and after trying them. This way, you can see which hobbies you find the most relaxing/enjoyable/stimulating/fun and use that to enhance your day-to-day life.
Stop Comparing!
Obviously, when we are involved in a process of creation (such as knitting), we want to complete a project and feel accomplished. However, when we compare our abilities to people who have been doing the same thing for years (or, even worse, just started and are still better than us) we can feel discouraged. Or we can tell ourselves we're not doing it "right".
For example, I really got into Animal Crossing at a point (yup). Then I started looking at Animal Crossing island inspiration on Pinterest and it made me think, damn, I'm playing this whole game wrong. Why do their islands look so much more put-together? It made me almost want to stop playing because I was comparing so much and getting stressed by how much effort would have to go into making one's in-game island so aesthetic. Yet that's really not the point of Animal Crossing. The game was relaxing to me, and I enjoyed putting together it special to me.
In conclusion, I've learned that hobbies are more fun when you don't treat them like a competition.
If You Really Want to Make a Habit of Something, Make It Your Identity
This tip comes from Atomic Habits by James Clear (which is a great book if you're trying to get into something and stick to it). If you want to really get into something (e.g. running) start identifying yourself with that hobby (e.g. "I am a runner"). Then start living your life as if it is truly your identity. For example, if you want to start playing more video games, tell yourself, "I am a gamer." The more you engage in that activity, the more it will strengthen your identity, and it will become a cycle of motivation.
This is less of a tip on how to enjoy hobbies though - more on how to actually do them. I would advise you first and foremost to experiment and find what you really enjoy. But, if something is important to you or you enjoy it but you simply find yourself lacking the motivation to begin (which is very common with active or creative hobbies), this is one great tip that can help.
It's quite ironic that many of us struggle to enjoy or get into our hobbies, even though the definition is literally "an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation".
However, it's very common in a society that puts so much pressure on output, success, productivity, and measuring up to others.
Finding hobbies that you truly enjoy and engaging in them simply for personal enjoyment is a way of taking control of your own life.
It's a way of saying, "I'm going to prioritize myself, even if it's for a super small time. I'm not gonna let the dominant narrative of society make my personal interests get swallowed up by the 'just work harder' narrative. I don't always have to be productive."
So go out. Try new things. Find new hobbies. Find new ways of looking at your old ones. Hang out with people with similar hobbies (but don't compare). Find out what makes you enjoy life. Life needs balance - so be curious, open, and see what sticks.
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