I sit at my desk. In front of me: a stick of vanilla-scented deodorant, some blue Sony over-the-ear-headphones, and a glass with shallow coffee condensing in its base. I wear pyjama shorts and a "Canadian Acoustical Ceiling Supply Ltd." hoodie.
I am Sophie. And I am about to interview myself.
Tell me, Sophie, why are you still in your pyjamas at 2:20 PM?
Because I have to get ready for work soon.
Cool.
Yes.
What have you been up to lately?
Writing a lot of bad poetry. Smelling this coffee-scented candle which I got from Seattle. Playing the new Mario Kart tracks with my brother. Ripping nail polish off my nails.
Why did you agree to this interview?
Because, you know, if I'm gonna have a blog, I should write more about myself. Or at least that's what I think.
Do you find it difficult to write about yourself?
Yeah. I'm a private person. I'm not saying this cuz I'm trying to be mysterious and ominous like, I have a lot of secrets and nobody knows who I really am. That's not me. But I'd rather write an article on the science of banana peels than write an exposé on myself.
Why are you so private?
Cuz I'm a Scorpio rising. Just kidding. It's true though. I know every makes fun of astrology, but my Sun Moon and Rising combo seem so legit.
What's your moon sign?
Aquarius. Let me just provide you the first description that comes up when I search this: "Open-mindedness often comes up as a packaged deal with an Aquarius moon sign's quirkiness. This moon sign is usually welcoming, tolerant, and eager to accept many different kinds of people into their social circle. Because of their open-mindedness, an Aquarius moon sign can be an exciting conversation partner." Like, tell me that's not true.
That's not true.
Stop. I'm the one interviewing myself, I don't know why I'm bantering like this but it's fun.
Do you see yourself as open-minded?
Yeah. Or at least I try hard to be. And if there's anything that I feel really strongly against, or anyone I dislike, sometimes I will go hard trying to understand them or see how they are that way... I don't like to write anything or anyone "off" until I can fully understand them. I like to stay curious, especially about my own mind, my initial impressions of others, inner biases... I want to continue to open my mind, in whatever way I can.
So you don't have any enemies?
No, but sometimes there are people at work I'll bug cuz they get on my nerves. I sometimes take it too far, though. But usually I like to "bully" people playfully, by teasing or by physically shoving them around. My friends and my boyfriend are often victims of this, unfortunately.
You seem like someone who would have enemies.
None that I am aware of yet. Or maybe I do, just mutual enemies.
I thought you just said you had no enemies.
Well...
Since you're one of those weirdos who credits their personality to zodiac signs, tell me about your rising sign according to the internet.
I don't credit my personality to zodiac signs, nor do I put a lot of belief into astrology. I just think it's super fun and interesting. You know?
Ummmm.... well.....
I don't know what to say about that.
Do you think it's true?
Depends who you ask.
We'll just ignore the parts about how sensual you are seeing as this is a public blog your family members read. Instead, let me ask you... do you really think you're "quiet"?
Er... well, to be fair, it depends on the situation. I find that there are moments where my brain is just completely blank and I'm like, What is the point in talking? Do you ever have those days where you wonder why people even bother conversating?
Well, I don't know why you're asking me this, since I am you.
I'll have other days where everything that enters my mind automatically has to exit my mouth. Generally, though, it takes me a while to warm up to people. So at first glance - which is what your rising sign represents, sort of your initial impression on others - I might seem a little more quiet. But once I warm up to you, it can be a different story, depending on the day.
And you're a Pisces sun, huh? What's it like being that?
Most of the stereotypes are true for me. At the end of the day - regardless of whatever front I am trying to put up - I like to cry, and I'm pretty sensitive. And I like to express myself creatively.
Really? In what ways do you express yourself creatively?
Through writing, of course - journalling, mostly, and songwriting, and poetry. I have dabbled in different art forms, too, of course, though I haven't for a while. I remember I went through this particularly difficult phase back in high school and I dealt with it by collaging constantly. I collected all these magazines and just cut them up.
What made you start writing on this blog?
It was at the beginning of covid and I was bored.
Did you ever think of writing as a career?
Yes. I always loved books. I started by wanting to be a librarian, and then around Grade 4 when I started writing a lot, I would tell everyone I wanted to be an author. Then, in Grade 7 I tried to self-publish a dystopian novel, and then out of nowhere in Grade 9 I did a bit of a turnaround, and was like "I'm gonna become either a rock star or a surgeon." In Grade 11 I thought I was going to be a midwife. In Grade 12, when applying for my majors, I was going between journalism, English and psychology... But I settled on something within the field of psychology, as underlying all of these things, that had always been a steady interest of mine.
Why did you want to be a rockstar at some point?
Because I was listening to a lot of heavy metal at that point and wanted to headbang on a stage. I started learning the electric guitar at this point (but did not make a lot of progress, unfortunately).
I am also interested in why, at one point, you wanted to be a midwife.
I took a career test in my CALM class and that came up as one of the #1 results, along with becoming a masseuse. But I was like, hmmm, that could be cool.
During that time I also had this dream of being a surrogate.
A surrogate? Why?
I'm not gonna be self-serving and go off about how selfless I wanted to be or how compassionate I am, because the real reason was that I never wanted children of my own, but I wanted to experience the pain of childbirth just so I could understand what it really is like, and empathize with people who've experienced it.
It's hard for me to tell if that is "compassionate" or deranged - you're telling me you wanted to go through all the long-lasting pain and repercussions of childbirth just so you could be more empathetic toward mothers.
Don't ask, okay? But who knows? Only time will tell. Maybe one day, I will be a surrogate.
I suppose you never know. Speaking of "one day," do you have any interesting dreams for the future? Anything you want to accomplish?
Climb Mount Fuji. I dunno I just came up with that, but then I researched it, and now I actually want to do that. Make a difference in a large number of people's lives... maybe make a groundbreaking discovery within the psychology field, or at least, on a more individual level, positively impact the lives of my clients as a therapist (if that's what I end up doing).
What do you think would make you a good therapist?
I view myself as a good listener. I know that seems like the bare minimum for therapy, but I honestly think that it's such an under-credited skill. I also don't see myself as someone with all the answers - I am committed to learning more. I don't think I would initially be an amazing therapist, as I feel like it's something you get better at the more experience you gain. I realize I'll probably make a lot of mistakes in the process. So I don't think I'd just automatically be an incredible therapist, but I think I could become a good one.
Is there any part of you that thinks, hmm, maybe I'd make a bad therapist.
Sometimes I'm bad at giving advice. But the point of being a therapist isn't usually to hand out practical advice. It's more to guide people to come up with their own answers.
As a psychology student, if you were to give individuals one piece of advice, what would it be?
Don't try to figure out your own issues because, as humans, we are so self-biased. Think about it - if you're having a lot of emotional or mental problems and you're trying to figure them out alone, it's your brain thinking about your brain when your brain is what's causing the problems in the first place. Many people don't understand the "point" of therapy because they don't realize that they're not alone in what they're experiencing. The fact is, whatever they're going through, well, chances are someone's been through it before. That's what therapists are for, to guide you through whatever it is you're suffering through from the perspective of someone who's already seen it, who has already been there with someone else.
I wish therapy were free for everyone. Good therapy should be a right, not just a privilege.
What is something the world needs?
Love. I could go off about how love is everything. My boyfriend has this video of me ranting about how love is everything. I feel like there isn't a human problem that can't be solved with love. And I'm not talking solely about romantic love, I'm talking about genuine compassion and empathy and respect and care for fellow human beings. I truly truly believe love is the most healing thing out there, but the word has become so clichéd and overused that it's no longer practical and actionable. Instead, it's just a feeling.
Nothing else can replace love, certainly not money or power or hatred; the sooner people realize that the sooner we can begin healing as individuals and then as a society.
Wow. I'm gonna pretend like that was super mindblowing and not something that has been regurgitated 1000 times before.
You're a bully. You know what, it's a message that deserves to be regurgitated. I'm not gonna stop going off about it.
Well, thank you, Sophie, it's been a delight. Any closing words?
No.
Really?
Well, maybe.
Like what?
Love is everything.
Sigh.
Yup. Those are my closing words.
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