Signs that your so-called "happiness" might be compensating for something, plus a bonus quiz to test whether you struggle with toxic positivity.
What is toxic positivity? It's an unhealthy idea some people subscribe to that states I always have to be happy. To people who struggle with this, being positive, optimistic, and happy means being in control. Therefore, it requires bottling up any negative emotion, refusing to interact with negativity, and doing everything in one's power to "remain positive."
Toxic positivity is coming to light because as awareness of mental health spreads, many realize that sometimes it's hard to "just be happy." Life circumstances, systemic issues, and problems with brain chemistry can sometimes make it hard to be happy. On top of that, even for the happiest people on the planet, it's impossible always to be happy.
So, do you struggle with toxic positivity? Check out some of the major signs below and then take the test to find out!
You change the subject or "brush it under the rug" when people bring up things that are negative.
If you're deeply uncomfortable talking about anything negative, whether it be world events, people's lives, or your own problems, that is a sign of toxic positivity.
You feel the need to "always be busy" and you despise being bored.
People who are subscribers to the belief of toxic positivity usually need always to be doing an activity, accomplishing something, or doing a distracting hobby to keep their minds from wandering to anything negative.
You hate being alone.
You also find that your thoughts are the loudest when you only have your own company. Therefore, you always try to surround yourself with others to avoid having to think too hard about your problems.
If you have to be alone, you'll usually resort to some coping mechanism, whether it is drinking, overeating, playing mindless videogames, or doom-scrolling.
Certain emotions are "problematic" to you in some way.
Just the very idea that some emotions are "bad", "negative", or "unproductive" is a byproduct of toxic positivity.
If you find yourself labelling certain emotions in this way, you may be struggling with toxic positivity.
People who don't struggle with toxic positivity, on the other hand, have a more open view toward their emotions. They'll let themselves feel sad because it's okay to be sad, or they'll let themselves be anxious because it's okay to feel anxious, too.
You think it is better to suppress feelings than express them.
People who are perpetrators of toxic positivity will tell themselves (and others) to:
"Just get over it"
"Look on the bright side"
"Move on"
"Put on a happy face"
You dismiss valid concerns by telling yourself and others not to worry.
When someone brings up something they're worried about, your first reflex is to say, "Don't worry, I'm sure it'll all be okay."
Feeling worried about something often makes people guilty or even more anxious, because they often view their anxiety as truth - e.g., if I'm worried about the test, it must be because I haven't studied enough, and therefore I'm going to fail.
Those who have toxic positivity also often think that just the act of worrying is unhealthy, which might lead to increases of anxiety about feeling the anxiety.
In reality, anxiety symptoms comes up in most unpredictable or ambigious situations where we don't know what will happen to something we value. It's a completely normal emotion, and sometimes telling ourselves that worrying is a bad thing makes the anxiety even worse.
You feel exhausted all the time from trying to always be happy.
Do you feel extra exhausted after being around people? Like you've been "performing" or trying to play a part?
This is a sign of toxic positivity. Trying to put on a face of happiness and joy can be really exhausting.
Whenever you're sad or angry, you feel guilty.
You may even find yourself comparing your own problems to others and thinking, "I shouldn't be feeling this way, others have it way worse."
This guilt usually comes from the idea that you're not deserving of letting yourself be sad about something, or that you're failing in some way if you're letting yourself be sad.
You might also feel guilty because allowing yourself to be sad or angry might effect your work or productivity.
You're obsessed with positive quotes and may even have a personal "mantra".
These could be:
"Happiness is a choice."
"Don't worry about it; just grow a thicker skin."
"Always be confident, and success will follow."
"Just think happy thoughts, and everything will be fine."
"Good vibes only!"
"Don't worry, be happy."
"Failure is not an option; just keep grinding."
"Look on the bright side."
"Man up and push through the pain."
"You attract what you think."
"Life is too short to be unhappy."
"Tough guys don't need therapy, they fix themselves."
"There's a silver lining in every cloud."
"Don't let negativity rent space in your head."
Any of these quotes suggest that feeling any negative emotion is undesirable or a sign of weakness.
If you find yourself repeating these quotes to yourself or to others, you might be a spreader of toxic positivity.
You spend a lot of your life focusing on how to get rid of negative thoughts or feelings.
People who struggle with toxic positivity often spend a lot of time and energy figuring out how to avoid feeling "bad".
This could be by planning ahead and avoiding any situation that may trigger a negative emotion (avoidance) or developing coping strategies for when a negative emotion is brought up.
Which brings us to the next point...
You likely have some sort of coping mechanism that helps with repressing or avoiding negative thoughts.
This could be anything from...
Substance abuse (alcohol or drugs)
Overeating or binge-eating
Smoking or vaping
Excessive exercise or working out
Perfectionist habits
Denial or avoidance
Procrastination
Isolating oneself from others
Overworking or workaholism
Escapism through excessive screen time
Excessive shopping or retail therapy
Self-harm
Gambling
So... is your positivity toxic? Take the quiz below and find out.
What do you think about the idea of "toxic postivity"? Leave a comment below and let me know!