A trip to Victoria and Seattle... (and working... breathing... existing...)
It's been a couple of months since my last update, and I've been up to a lot (and also not much at all). Well, first off I went away for a few weeks.
My Trip to Victoria
I stayed with my friend in Victoria (she has a house there because she is attending school on the island). We drove there, breaking up the drive for one night by staying at a smoky-scented motel in Revelstoke.
My Favourite Experiences from the Trip:
Getting matching tattoos from a "random tattoo" gumball machine at a studio (we chose between three options: a shark with a top hat, a skeleton arm holding a knife with the words "Ride Free" scrolled underneath, and some chains. We opted for the chains.)
Buying fresh strawberries from a fruit stand in Sicamous (I still think about them every day).
Petting goats at Beacon Hill Park (and having a baby goat jump onto my back).
My Trip to Seattle
Two days after returning from Victoria, I left for Seattle with my parents and brother. In my diary on the first night, I wrote:
Seattle - city of literature and technology, and Jimi Hendrix, and Nirvana, and coffee. Where else would I wanna be?
Yes, the rainy city is famous for all those things. The contrast between the ocean/mountain landscape with the looming, metallic architecture felt both ominous and futuristic. There were plenty of bookstores and Amazon banana stands. The Space Needle, painted orange in 2012 for its 50th anniversary, gave the entire city a "Tomorrowland" feel.
My Favourite Experiences from the Trip:
Going to Chihuly Garden and Glass, this gorgeous exhibition from artist Dale Chihuly. Grand and kaleidoscopic sculptures out of melted glass - it was enlightening to me.
The Pop Culture Museum - amazing exhibits on horror movies, Jimi Hendrix, indie games, sci-fi movies, and more. Plus, the place just looks so cool from the outside.
Hiking Mount Rainier - I got to run through ledges of deep snow.
ELLIOT BAY BOOKSTORE - made Indigo look BAD in comparison. We need bookstores like this in Calgary - you know, ones that are focused entirely on BOOKS instead of strange home décor and cliché gifts. (Yes, slander to the company I had a seasonal job at. How dare I).
My Life Since Then
I find it difficult when I try to be vulnerable on my blog. How do celebrities talk candidly about their life experiences and emotional upheavals to the entire world, all the time, when I can't even talk about minor problems to my small selection of readers?
I've been feeling "off" as of late, but it seems like it's the way I get every summer (check out my wonderful blog post Life Update: July 2021 for comparison).
I've still been going to the gym lots: therapy, for me, is sitting in a machine moving some metal around until my muscles begin to cry out in pain (note: the gym is not a replacement for real therapy. Go talk to someone. This is a message for gym bros reading this post - excluding myself.)
Perhaps I miss the routine of school - being able to project any emotional pain I feel into schoolwork. Not having the time to feel. I think the biggest struggle of being in psychology is knowing that one day if things go right, I will be a therapist. Me? A therapist? I often forget that therapists are allowed to have problems too, and not have all the answers, either. No one can "hack" healing or just turn off emotions (even though I like to try).
My favourite thing to do, though, to put things into perspective, is read my old diaries (all 70 of them). I see the cyclical nature of my life, almost like a routine of death and rebirth. When I read about myself at my lowest, I can understand from that perspective how it feels like I am at a dead end. But then I see how I emerge from that place and how I become changed in some way. It's how my life works and how I have always worked.
And as I wrote in my article 10 Lessons I Have Learned in 20 Years, happiness should never be chased or turned into a goal. There are lessons within every feeling.
But I've been doing many other interesting things: going to the lake, sleeping in, seeing movies, and attending a picnic with my boyfriend.
Gotta stay grateful. You feel me.
Love
Sophie
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