The other day I was reading through my old middle school diaries. I stumbled
upon a drawing I did of what I imagined myself to look like when I got older (let's ignore the fact I imagined myself to have a child named Dillia).
As you can see, I saw myself as having multiple piercings (including an eyebrow piercing) and a Pisces tattoo. I drew this at thirteen, although I recall wanting to look like this throughout my life. When I imagined myself in the future, that is always how I saw myself: having many tattoos and piercings, expressing myself freely. What's interesting is that now I have both an eyebrow piercing and a Pisces tattoo (among other tattoos and piercings).
People always ask me why I like body modifications and tattoos so much. I love this question because it means that people attempt to understand before making snap judgments about me. It is easy to look at someone with many tattoos or piercings and make varying assumptions about them: that they're criminals, into drugs, unable to get real jobs, wanting attention, or regretful about their choice to get tattoos. This may be true for some people, but assuming that everyone who has tattoos fits into these misassumptions and stereotypes is like believing that everyone who wears overalls is a plumber.
So when people ask me what makes me get all these tattoos and piercings, I am glad because it means they aren't making assumptions.
But what interests me is not only why I choose to get tattoos/piercings, but why people choose not to get them. Usually, when asked why I have tattoos, I ask them back: would you ever get a tattoo? And if not, why?
People's responses range, but they generally fall into these categories:
"I simply don't like the look of them on myself."
"I'd be too afraid of picking something that I'd regret."
"I have no clue what tattoo I'd get; I would want something meaningful."
"Only criminals/prostitutes get tattoos." (Ummm, not true, at least not anymore)
"I'm too old/overweight/unattractive to get a tattoo" or "I'd look stupid."
"If I do get a tattoo, when I start getting wrinkly, they're going to look terrible and I'll seem like a joke."
If you're sure about not getting tattoos or piercings, I congratulate you for knowing what you like and sticking to it. As you can see, some people admit that they have different aesthetic tastes than me, which is okay. I get tattoos or piercings not to please others but rather to be true to myself and what I enjoy looking like.
But other people reveal that perhaps what is stopping them from getting tattoos/piercings is not their own aesthetic preferences but "what will people think?" I become sad when I hear this, but I understand where they're coming from. When deciding on body modifications, my outfit for the day, or my makeup, I'll sometimes start thinking about other people's thoughts. However, when I start going down this tunnel of how I should be appearing, I lose sight of who I am on the inside. Designing myself based on how people think I should appear only results in me never being satisfied. No matter what I do, I cannot please everybody, so why should I?
There was a point where I was afraid to get tattoos or piercings because I didn't want people to perceive me differently. Then I realized that I can never control how people perceive me, but I shouldn't restrict myself simply due to the fear of being judged. Now, anytime I make a decision, I focus on being my own ideal person rather than anyone else's.
I think many people feel this sort of "trapped" feeling in their life because they are so focused on fitting into the boxes of "normality." They're constantly assessing how they look to other people to appear proper, "good," and functional. For them, people who fall outside of the box and choose to appear or act differently than they do represent anarchy and chaos. They're much quicker to judge these so-called "outsiders" than look at themselves and question why they're choosing to follow society's standards so rigidly.
My entire life changed when I realized that this life was the only one I was given (as far as I know) and that at any point, I could die. The rigidity and seriousness of day-to-day life becomes almost silly when I look at it this way. We're all just little videogame characters, doing our thing and telling ourselves we have to act/do/be a certain way to "fit in." But who told us what's "normal" and "abnormal"? Are these really "objective" perspectives?
This isn't to say that life is completely "meaningless," but more so that only you can determine what life's meaning is. However you choose to live your life, you must be able to accurately look at it and ask yourself if you're truly living the way you want to live. Because personally, I don't believe there is a "right" or "wrong" way to live your life. However, I think that realizing the shortness of life (and that other people's opinions of you don't matter) is key to feeling free and like you can truly show up as yourself.
Coming to this realization made me realize that I'd rather die with hundreds of tattoos that were wrinkly and looked "stupid" from an outsider's perspective than die with the knowledge that I spent my entire life too scared to do what I truly wanted to do out of the fear that people would judge me.
This was the only life I was given, so I might as well be myself. I don't want to die knowing I based all my decisions on obtaining approval and validation from others. It doesn't bother me when people tell me certain things about my tattoos or piercings or disapprove. You live your life your way; I'll live my life mine. I know that my decisions make me happy - that's all that matters to me.
So before you judge other people for how they express themselves or dress, look at yourself and ask yourself this: If you were the only person on this Earth (or if you knew, in your head, that no matter what you did, people wouldn't judge you), would you still be living your life or looking the same way as you do now? If so, I give you congrats. If not, then now you know that you aren't showing up authentically, not because you don't want to, but rather because you're afraid of what people think. Personally, I know it is hard to move past seeking other people's approval. I still struggle with it sometimes. However, moving past this mindset and letting myself be (without constantly trying to become someone else) is the most freeing and fantastic feeling I have ever felt.
We all have preferences and ways we choose to appear because we like how it looks. So when people ask me why I get so many piercings and tattoos, I don't feel like I need to explain myself anymore. It's the same as asking someone, "Why do you wear jeans every day?" or "Why do you shave your head bald?" So that's why I believe the more important question is, why does it matter?
This doesn't just apply to tattoos or piercings but rather to all the decisions I make in my life. Since adopting this mindset, I have gotten to a point where I don't even need other people to understand why I do what I do - I don't feel the need to explain myself. When other people call me weird or odd or different, I try not to question myself or feel bad. I congratulate myself for not feeling a need to be "normal" and then feel empathy towards them. I think of what it was like when I had less confidence in myself and cared more about what other people thought. I was very focused on fitting in, to the point where I forgot who I even was.
In conclusion: if you don't like tattoos/piercings, don't judge others for having different aesthetic appreciations than you do (just like they shouldn't judge you for not having tattoos or piercings). And if you do want them but are scared of what others might think, start questioning who would criticize you for getting them. Would you like to be these people or live their lives? No? You wouldn't? Then why are you letting them influence you on how you're living yours?
Finally, some closing words that I often tell my friends:
"Tattoos may be permanent, but life isn't."
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