An overview of the second Enneagram type known as the Helper. Part of my Intro to the Enneagram series.
Also Known As:
The Givers
The Altruists
The Caretakers
The Selfless Friends
The Enablers
The Special Friends
The People Pleasers
The Type 2's most basic but true desire is to feel loved. The sort of love they value, however, is often a sort of dependence. They want others to truly need them and value the sort of help they can provide. That's why Twos curates their image to ensure they are seen as completely generous and unselfish. However, they often are unconsciously helpful in the hopes that others will praise them and meet their unacknowledged emotional needs!
This isn't to say that Type 2s are manipulative. They just want to be acknowledged and seen for their kindness and generosity. They hate feeling as though others are taking them for granted.
Type 2s are classic altruists, compassionate and warm-hearted. They are usually more comfortable giving than receiving and hate others knowing how dependent they may feel. They want to be as sensitive and tactful as possible in their conversations with others, as relationships are extremely important to them.
Signs You're an Enneagram Type 2
A lot of your self-esteem comes from knowing others rely on you for help and support.
People often tell you that you have a nurturing and comforting presence.
You have an intense desire for close and personal relationships.
You believe it is important for you to put others' needs before your own.
You often find it difficult to say no.
You may feel guilty when focusing on your own needs.
You are drawn to professions in caregiving, such as nursing or counselling.
You often feel a sense of responsibility for the happiness of those around you.
Main Values of a Type 2
Family.
Love.
Closeness.
Sharing.
Friendship.
Intimacy.
Common Thoughts of a Type 2
"If I can't help them, who will?"
"I wish someone would do the same for me."
"It's selfish to put my needs first."
"I want to be the one they turn to in a time of need."
"I have to be strong for them, even if I'm not feeling great."
"Why can't they see that I'm hurting too?"
"I hope they see how much I care about them."
"If they don't need me, will they still love me?"
"I don't want to inconvenience them with my problems, especially when they probably already have so much on their mind."
"I need to be more nurturing and attentive."
"I just want to be appreciated."
Positive Adjectives to Describe Them
Loving
Helpful
Selfless
Giving
Attentive
Appreciative
Playful
Altruistic
Generous
Compassionate
Empathetic
Concerned
Nurturing
Flexible
Intuitive
Warm-hearted
Noble
Considerate
Negative Adjectives to Describe Them
Note: These adjectives should be used only to describe Type Twos exhibiting unhealthy behaviour. This isn't to describe average or healthy Type Twos or make anyone feel bad for being a Two.
Prideful
Self-deceptive
Codependent
Possessive
Prideful
Intrusive
Codependent
Over-involved
Suffocating
Obsessive
Inauthentic
Manipulative
Needy
Insecure
Martyr
Best Things About Being a Two
Being able to relate easily to people
Knowing what others need
Being able to make other people's lives better
Being generous, caring, and warm
Being sensitive and perceptive about other people's feelings
Being enthusiastic and fun-loving
Having a good sense of humour
Worst Things About Being a Two
Not feeling able to say "no"
Having low self-esteem at times
Feeling drained from overdoing for others
Not doing things that they really like to do for fear of being selfish
Criticizing themselves for not feeling as loving as they think they should
Being upset that others don't seem to understand or care for them the same way they do for them
Working so hard to be tactful and considerate that they often suppress their real feelings
Likes/Dislikes
LIKES:
Gratitude
Feeling indispensable, important, loved, appreciated, needed
Having their feelings validated
Helping others through a crisis
Feeling special
Being perceived as someone who loves deeply
DISLIKES:
Their love not being returned in equal proportions
Their loved ones not being sensitive to or fulfilling their needs
Feeling "shut out" from those around them
Being the center of attention
Feeling like a burden to others
Feeling unneeded or important
As a Child...
As a child, Twos were taught that it was important to put other people's needs ahead of their own and that you had to give in order to get. Subconsciously they internalized an unhealthy idea that they must earn a place in the affections of others, because love will not simply be given to them.
Over time, they learned to repress their own needs and attend to the needs of others. They placed rigid expectations on themselves regarding how they could appear or behave.
As a child, they tried to become the "perfect" child who wouldn't disturb their parents or demand any extra attention. In turn, they learned to often repress their own emotional needs, since they believed it would make other people's lives easier.
Famous Type Twos
Florence Nightingale
Princes Diana
Mother Teresa
Maya Angelou
Mr. Rogers
Celine Dion
Mary Poppins
Dolly Parton
Jennifer Garner
Hagrid (Harry Potter)
Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings)
Common Jobs for Type Twos
Doctors
Nurses
Counselors
Receptionists
Decorators
Clothing consultants
If extraverted – actresses, actors, motivational speakers
People's Thoughts on Type Twos
“They are loved by so many because they give so generously of themselves.”
“They are so easy to be around. They are lighthearted and playful as well as having tremendous depth and wisdom. I wish I could articulate my feelings as well as they can.”
“They are wonderful parents. They shower their children with attention, generosity, and love.”
“They are a valued pillar of support in my life and for others.”
“They will go to the ends of the earth to make someone they care about feel heard.”
“They are great problem-solvers—perceptive, sympathetic, nonjudgmental.”
“They are, by default, able to see what kind of connection people are looking for and then give it to them.”
“They are beautiful, kind, thoughtful beyond measure, and true empaths.”
“They are attuned to my needs and feelings, and tend to be wonderful hosts. They can be the life of the party without making themselves the center of attention, which is an incredible skill.”
“They will do anything and everything to make the other people’s life easier. They’re always grateful for other people for the care they give. When healthy, they enter a cycle of love, selflessness, and appreciation.”
“They have such a special, caring spirit for other people and are so good at being comforting and motherly to those in need of such things. They are the true givers of the enneagram and the world would be missing a fundamental force without them.”
Advice/Tips
Work on letting go of your concern of what others think of you. Be aware when trying to win over others, and know that is is impossible for everyone to like you or be your friend all the time. Engage in activities that give you pleasure and satisfaction but do not involve being with others. And try to give yourself some of the attention and pampering that you usually give to others.
Learn to recognize the affection and good wishes of others, even when they are not what you are familiar with. Others may not express their feelings in a way that you want, but they may still be letting you know in other ways how much they care about you. If you can recognize the ways people love or give affection (and realize it may not be the same way you receive it), you will feel better about yourself knowing that you are loved and therefore feel less frustrated with those around you.
It is vitally important for you to develop good boundaries. Boundaries allow you to feel for others, but avoid getting entangled in their problems. It's a way for you to "sit in your own skin" rather than feeling enmeshed with others that are struggling. Learn to stay connected to yourself at times in which you are more likely to abandon your own best interests. Most importantly, set limits, such as, "no, this is not a good time to talk" or "no, I will not be able to help" when you feel another person's request will be too much for you.
Be brutally honest about your motives when you do anything for anyone. Giving more to others to stop yourself from hurting will not heal that hurt. Only brutal honesty about your intentions and needs will help you to heal.
Positive Things to Say to Yourself (as a Two)
I am as important as everyone else.
It is important for me to receive love and help as to give them.
I will speak up for what I want.
I bring out the best in others.
I know my worth.
I love myself for who I am.
I take time for myself.
I choose to make myself a priority.
I deserve love and respect.
I am worthy of unconditional love.
I give and receive love generously.
I am in touch with my emotional needs.
I do not have to give to be loved.
It is important for me to spend some quality time by myself.
A Music Playlist for Type Twos
Do you relate to being an Enneagram Type Two? Let me know in the comments below. And make sure to check out my other Intro to the Enneagram Posts to learn more about each type!
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