An overview of the fourth Enneagram type known as the Romantic (which is my type, making me a bit biased). Part of my Intro to the Enneagram series.
Also Known As:
The Creative
The Sensitive Soul
The Expressive One
The Aesthete
The Tragic Romantic
The Dreamer
The Intuitive
The Melancholic
The Individualizer
Enneagram Type 4s want to "find themselves" (even if they have no idea what that truly means). They want to be completely true to themselves regardless of the cost; they want to create an identity out of their inner experience. They want to be deeply understood, but at the same time, they crave the idea of being "special". They're scared of just being one of 7 billion people on the planet - of being forgotten or just like everyone else.
Fours are very honest with themselves and tend to look at their motives, contradictions, and inner lives very objectively. They try not to rationalize their isues, and they usually are pretty open about their problems with other people.
Their biggest fear is of "missing" something inside of themselves that they feel like others have. This could be anything - willpower, social ease, self-confidence, emotional tranquility. They often feel that they're the "odd ones out". But even though they often feel different, they very deeply value social interactions and want to connect with people who are able to truly understand them and their often contradictory emotions.
Signs You’re an Enneagram Type 4
You like coming across as mysterious and a bit hard to understand.
You tend to brood over negative feelings for a long time.
You deeply value authenticity and despise being fake (or fake people).
You're drawn to exploring your identity and figuring out who you truly are.
You dislike routine and prefer spontaneity or creative freedom.
You are deeply empathetic and can sense others' emotions with ease.
You have a unique sense of style or enjoy expressing your individuality through your apperance.
You experience your feelings intensely and often feel like they define you.
You are drawn to beauty, art, and self-expression in all forms.
You sometimes feel like you don't fit in or are fundamentally different from others.
You can be pretty dramatic and temperamental.
Being understood is extremely important to you.
You often need to withdraw and sulk if you feel criticized or misunderstood.
You want to be understood and appreciated for your uniqueness.
You can get caught in cycles of melancholy or emotional highs and lows.
You have a tendency to romanticze the past or long for an idealized future.
You may struggle with self-worth, feeling flawed or inadequate.
You dislike being ordinary or blending in with the crowd.
You tend to be self-critical and hold yourself to high emotional standards.
You seek meaning in everything, often pondering life's deeper questions.
Main Values of a Type 4
Authenticity
Individuality
Creativity
Emotional Depth
Beauty
Meaning
Connection
Self-Discovery
Empathy
Self-Expression
Common Thoughts of a Type 4
No one truly understands me.
This song feels like it was written for my soul.
I want to stand out, but I don't want to be judged for it.
Am I too much, or am I not enough?
Why do I have to feel things so intensely all the time?
How can I be so full of emotion and still feel so empty?
I'm proud of how deeply I care about things - it's a gift, really.
They liked my work, but did they really get it?
I want to feel seen without having to beg for attention.
They think I'm being dramatic, but this feels monumental to me.
This movie is so me - I can't wait to share it with someone who'll get it.
I love being able to make my space reflect who I am.
I don't want to conform, but I also don't want to be completely alone.
Am I romanticing this too much, or is it really this special?
I love finding ways to make ordinary things feel extraordinary.
Positive Adjectives to Describe Them
Warm
Creative
Passionate
Intuitive
Supportive
Empathetic
Refined
Charming
Independent
Unique
Artistic
Sensitive
Emotionally intelligent
Perceptive
Poetic
Honest
Thoughtful
Reflective
Compassionate
Introspective
Expressive
Negative Adjectives to Describe Them
Note: These adjectives should be used only to describe Type Fours exhibiting unhealthy behaviour. This isn't to describe average or healthy Type Fours or make anyone feel bad for being a Four.
Self-conscious
Unpredictable
Guilt-ridden
Depressed
Moralistic
Withdrawn
Envious
Indecisive
Dramatic
Temperamental
Overthinking
Eccentric
Judgmental (of self or others)
Elusive
Overindulgent
Self-pitying
Isolated
Brooding
Insecure
Impulsive
Cynical
Stubborn
Moody
Self-absorbed
Best Things about Being a Four
Being able to find meaning in life and experience feelings at a deep level
Being able to establish warm connections with people
Being able to create art, ideas, and solutions that reflect your individuality
Feeling true to yourself and inspiring others to embrace their uniqueness
Noticing and appreciating beauty in ways others might miss
Having a unique sense of creativity, intution, and sense of humor
Being able to pick up on the feelings of people around you
Being deeply introspective and able to learn from your inner thoughts and emotions
Bringing enthusiasm and energy to the things that you truly care about
Being good at helping other people process their emotions - you don't shy away from hard, scary topics
You're able to see the value in people, ideas, and experiences others might overlook
You often see the meaning in even the most unfortunate or difficult moments/emotions
Worst Things About Being a Four
Experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
Feelings of self-hatred and shame - believing that you don't feel deserved to be loved
Feeling guilty when you disappoint people
Feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands you
Having extremely high expectations for yourself (and for life)
Fearing being abandoned by others
Feeling envious of others, and sensing that you're missing something they have
Having a lot of mood swings that make it difficult to stay grounded
A tendency to self-isolate when feeling overwhelmed or insecure
Having a tendancy to overthink where you often analyze your emotions or situations to the point of exhaustion
Romanticizing the past and longing for an idealized version of what was
Feeling a desire for validation from others that you are special and interesting
Overpersonalizing situations and assuming others' actions are about you
Feeling "too much" or "not enough" and wrestling with the belief that who you are isn't quite right
Likes/Dislikes
LIKES:
Spending quality time with partners and maintining close friendships
Spiritual interests
Spending time alone to reflect or recharge.
Music, books, art, movies (particularly obscure films that evoke deep emotions).
Curating Spotify playlists that capture a specific mood or moment
Sentimental objects
Nostalgia (reading old journals, watching favourite childhood movies, looking at old photos, etc.)
Talking to people about complex, dark, or difficult topics
Personality tests/systems that can help them figure out who they are (and also astrology or tarot)
Discovering "niche" music, art, or movies that not many people know about
DISLIKES:
Feeling misunderstood or dismissed
Being pressured to conform or fit in
Feeling trapped in routine
Societal expectations that suppress individuality
People who seem emotionally closed off or insincere
Being told to "just get over it" or "move on"
Being judged for their emotional intensity
Tasks or jobs that feel meaningless or uninspiring
Having their aesthetic or creative choices criticized
People who seem to lack empathy or compassion
Environments that feel overly sterile or rigid
Enneagram Type Four Quotes
"I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best." - Frida Kahlo, painter
"I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited." - Sylvia Plath, poet and novelist
"Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." - Rainer Maria Rilke, poet
"I sign my sorrow, and I paint my joy." - Joni Mitchell, singer-songwriter
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain, musician
"Despite everything, no one can dictate who you are to other people." - Prince, musician
Typical Jobs for Type Fours
Artists
Therapists/Counselors
Writers
Photographers
Musicians
Literary Editors
Social Workers
Anthropologists/Historians
Floral Designers
Fashion Designers
Blogger or Content Creators
Art or Music Therapists
Philosophers
Filmmakers
Teachers
As a Child...
As children, Type Fours may have felt like the "odd one out" in the family dynamic, and may have felt like their parents didn't fully understand or appreciate their emotional depth or unique perspective. They may have felt like their feelings were dismissed or minimized, leading to the sense that their emotions were "too much".
As children, parents may have also struggled to help Fours regulate their intense emotions, sometimes leading to conflicts or feelings of rjection. Fours may have felt like they needed to retreat into themselves to process emotions alone.
However, if supported by parents, Fours may have learned to embrace their creativity and sensitiy as strengths.
Famous Type Fours
Luna Lovegood
Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)
Billie Eilish
Amy Winehouse
Frida Kahlo
Winona Ryder
Frida Kahlo
Kurt Cobain
Prince
Sylvia Plath
Lana del Rey
People's Thoughts On Type Fours
"They have very deep souls... they're witty, insightful, and intellectually stimulating."
"They have an interesting mixture of qualities: intensity, depth, spirituality, and rebeliousness."
"They're a real character."
"They're good people to share emotional and insightful talks with."
"They'll notice a random flower growing out of the pavement and turn it into a metaphor for your entire life story."
"They're so unapologetically themselves."
"They're really good at provoviding healthy perspectives and generally being a chill, good, authentic human being."
"Sometimes they can be very self-victimizing and self-absorbed. Nothing is ever their fault and they pretend to be empathetic and emotionally in touch while actually being all about their own feelings."
"They're both authentic and able to relate to many people. They do a good job of helping others become more emotionally aware."
"They're able to think wildly out of the box with no consisten logic which makes them fun and interesting to be around."
"When they're not healthy, they can be super self centered and unable to read a situation."
"I think the world can be very painful for 4s. I think that if they could get out of their heads a little more and focus on others, they could find fulfillment easier."
"They’re wonderful people! Also, they’re just the absolute worst. Frequently they’re somewhere in between. Either way they’re both ridiculously simple, and intricately complex. This is what makes them just like everyone else. That’s why I love them."
Advice/Tips
Look for friends who are honest about you. Seek out people who can see your genuine good qualities but also can speak to you directly about your blind spots. You frequently can benefit from reality checks.
Set a time limit for brooding. Give yourself a set period to dwell on feelings, then shift your focus to something produtive or enjoyable.
Acknowledge your strengths. Regularly remind yourself of your creative talents, empathy, and ability to connect deeply with others. It's easy for Fours to get caught up thinking about their flaws.
Set up creative, constructive routines for yourself. Fours tend to do things when they feel like it and don't usually stick to routines. However, if their daily schedule is arranged in ways that encourage them to support their creativitity, physical and emotional health, and active engagement with the outside world, it can really help them to avoid drifting too far into their head or their emotions.
Express your needs clearly. Don't epect others to intuitively understand your emotional world - be open about what you need. Also, don't expect everyone to be able to understand you - or take it as a sign that they don't care if they're not able to completely "get you."
Positive Things to Say to Yourself (as a Four)
I will relax and enjoy the present.
I am beautiful, capable, and lovable, just as I am. There is nothing to make up for.
I can be as kind to myself as I am to my best friend.
I am worthy of love and belonging, even when I feel incomplete.
It's okay to feel deeply; my emotions are valid.
I can hold space for my feelings without being controlled by them.
This moment is temporary, and it's okay to let it pass.
It's okay to ask for support; I don't have to carry everything alone.
I accept others as they are, and I allow them to accept me.
I don't need to compare myself to others; my journey is my own.
I choose to focus on what I have, not what I lack.
A Music Playlist For Type Fours
Read about how I discovered that I was an Enneagram Type Four here (you can also read it if you want to learn more about what it's like to be a Type Four).
And make sure to stay tuned for the rest of my Enneagram series! We have 5 more to go!
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