Understanding Moral Perfectionism

Are you obsessed with the ideal of being a "good person"? Then you should read this article.

What do you think of when you hear the word "perfectionist"? For most of my life, I associated perfectionism with a tidy, meticulous outward appearance and workaholism. This is why I never ever in my life ever thought of myself as a perfectionist. I'm not somebody who pretends--or even tries--to seem like I have my life together, because what's the point in that?

It wasn't until I read an article on 16personalities.com that cited two different kinds of perfectionism. The first one, and the one that most people associate with perfectionism, is known as material perfectionism. These types of perfectionists are obsessed with details and having things work out the way they imagined it to. They are the types to stare at a blank page for a long time, scared to begin a new creative project because they're afraid to mess up. They are also the types to read over their papers ten times just to make sure the spelling and grammar is top-notch. This type of perfectionism is more focused on perfection of the material kind, and can become dangerous as the individual begins to feel ashamed or guilty when they don't live up to their own intense high-standard.

Reading this, I thought to myself, no way am I a perfectionist. That was, until I began reading the section on what the author of the article calls "Existential Perfectionism" (which I refer to as moral perfectionism. This type of perfectionism is also similar to self-oriented perfectionism and socially prescribed perfectionism).

The article describes this type of perfectionism as relating to one's personal value, and is focused on an individual's need to be morally or spiritually "perfect". Many people who deal with this sort of perfectionism ask themselves, "Am I a good person?" over and over again. However, for them, "good" is usually, unconsciously, substituted for the word "perfect".

People with moral perfectionism will fail to clean their room or forget to put away their dishes, but will feel sickened over the fact they had an angry or mean thought about a friend. It's a type of perfectionism that doesn't only eat away at your self-confidence, but also your sense of worth as a human.

The worst thing about this sort of perfectionism is that it acts as a roadblock to success. It saps individuals of their confidence. It makes them afraid of their own nature, and fearful of their own imperfect nature. The thing is, people who struggle with this sort of perfectionism are usually quite merciful when it comes to others, but will judge themselves ruthlessly.

This is something that I have struggled with for a while now without even realizing it has become a problem. I somehow convinced myself I was a "bad person" after getting pulled over for speeding (and some other trivial mistakes/issues) and was overwrought by this belief for a long time. I am also often so focused on being a good friend, daughter, and employee, that any little mistake I make buzzes around in my head and gives me immense waves of guilt.

I'm not necessarily a "rule follower" in that I often rebel against certain strict ideals and expectations. However, I do have strict values and virtues, and it's when I go against these that I feel the most devastated. Staying true to my own personal morals is something that really matters to me, but I've realized that I need to give myself room to make mistakes, instead of immediately jumping to the thought "I AM A BAD PERSON".

Reading this article allowed me to put my own perfectionistic behaviour in perspective, and understand that the pressure I am putting on myself is causing damage in the long run. When I begin to beat myself up over a cruel thought or a work-related mistake, I start to think about the nature of what makes somebody "good". I begin to realize that there is no such thing as a completely pure, faultless human being, no matter how good or "saintly" you appear. Good and evil is not a black and white thing.

Even good people do bad things, after all.